Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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