The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
