physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
