Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im holly from the hills drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
