69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
