I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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