Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
