highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
