I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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