got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
