I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
