gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
