she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
