we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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