when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
