So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
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We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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