my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
