I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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