I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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