She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
where are my eyebrows?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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