I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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