he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
