Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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