She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
