Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
