so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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