did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize