i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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