Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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