I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
