Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
