So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i think my cat just said my name.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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