I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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