I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
