so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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