just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
