i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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