Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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