Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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