New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
