The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
