don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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