i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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