oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
