why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
