from now on my penis is your penis
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
