so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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