I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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