The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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