I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
