It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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