i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
