I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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