can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
