just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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