You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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