Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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