So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
whose ass print is on the piano?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
