he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
