Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
