So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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