i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he shaved USA in his pubs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
