One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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