My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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