I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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