Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.

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  (313): Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater. http://tfl.nu/ei9l
  Replies (25) Good night (5224) Bad night (792)
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  (718): View more from New York

  he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

  (1-718): View more from New York

  I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

  (718): View more from New York

  the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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  (718): he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs (1-718): I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious. (718): the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip. http://tfl.nu/dbxw
  Replies (31) Good night (828) Bad night (3824)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.

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  (402): i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night. http://tfl.nu/91q5
  Replies (7) Good night (975) Bad night (4816)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.

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  (210): After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pl4c
  Replies (17) Good night (3251) Bad night (968)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

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  (517): I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall... http://tfl.nu/myki
  Replies (18) Good night (10012) Bad night (2264)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".

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  (313): well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory". http://tfl.nu/k9y0
  Replies (12) Good night (2552) Bad night (1079)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother

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  (816): All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother http://tfl.nu/4v9d
  Replies (11) Good night (2115) Bad night (2909)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.

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  (731): I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come. http://tfl.nu/qxho
  Replies (5) Good night (1067) Bad night (1661)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights

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  (617): I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights http://tfl.nu/d3p5
  Replies (6) Good night (2146) Bad night (618)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.

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  (902): Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring. http://tfl.nu/d21p
  Replies (4) Good night (444) Bad night (1108)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister

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  (780): Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister http://tfl.nu/6uk5
  Replies (20) Good night (1124) Bad night (597)
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  (925): View more from California

  michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.

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  (925): michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him. http://tfl.nu/5r7o
  Replies (2) Good night (1055) Bad night (484)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.

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  (208): Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up. http://tfl.nu/qoxa
  Replies (9) Good night (557) Bad night (1108)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Exactly how many...is TOO many?

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  (814): He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it. (1-814): Exactly how many...is TOO many? http://tfl.nu/64i7
  Replies (7) Good night (861) Bad night (354)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.

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  (937): I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms. http://tfl.nu/x3mv
  Replies (5) Good night (335) Bad night (797)

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