Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.