I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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