I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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