Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead