Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to find a taint.

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  (724): I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between. (1-724): You need to find a taint. http://tfl.nu/752x
  Replies (24) Good night (2580) Bad night (668)
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  (161): View more from

  that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.

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  (161): that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face. http://tfl.nu/0pd0
  Replies (22) Good night (1539) Bad night (3484)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey

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  (850): One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey http://tfl.nu/owfj
  Replies (45) Good night (631) Bad night (2521)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  sorry about calling you the devil all night.

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  (904): sorry about calling you the devil all night. http://tfl.nu/78dt
  Replies (9) Good night (3695) Bad night (884)
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  (518): View more from New York

  no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter

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  (518): no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter http://tfl.nu/ikrf
  Replies (5) Good night (3698) Bad night (813)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.

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  (636): I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss. (314): Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call. http://tfl.nu/9b26
  Replies (4) Good night (858) Bad night (2690)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.

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  (610): He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house. http://tfl.nu/tthj
  Replies (3) Good night (1801) Bad night (749)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.

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  (541): I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar. http://tfl.nu/9erd
  Replies (4) Good night (2006) Bad night (472)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.

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  (717): Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes. http://tfl.nu/frv8
  Replies (2) Good night (1147) Bad night (372)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.

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  (614): Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes. http://tfl.nu/ghhe
  Replies (13) Good night (482) Bad night (2180)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?

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  (330): Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that? http://tfl.nu/r624
  Replies (8) Good night (1439) Bad night (578)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.

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  (812): I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle. http://tfl.nu/j0rx
  Replies (1) Good night (672) Bad night (230)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship

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  (910): I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship http://tfl.nu/4tn2
  Replies (2) Good night (651) Bad night (243)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?

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  (509): In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married? http://tfl.nu/eg0w
  Replies (6) Good night (548) Bad night (577)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Won't she run out of nose eventually?

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  (254): She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually? (512): Won't she run out of nose eventually? http://tfl.nu/f0dc
  Replies (3) Good night (449) Bad night (495)

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