Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.