well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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