When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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