yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
