Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
