pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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